Thursday, August 23, 2012

Happy 2nd Birthday

Brandon and I stayed up last night until 12:49am to be able to wish our little girl Happy Birthday.  While we were awake we were watching a movie.  My stomach started hurting I started getting cramps I could feel the pain of loosing my daughter all over again two years ago.  It made me hurt so much inside.  But the most amazing thing happened after 12:49 I felt my daughter in my arms again I felt the love that I have for her all over again.  I didn't like the feeling of the memories floating around last night but I got the best feeling.  I have been writing in my journal lately that I have been forgetting what it was like to hold little Lexy in my arms and last night I remembered how she felt in my arms and what an amazing daughter she is.

This morning when Zoey and I woke up we were playing with my phone.  Zoey started to grab my phone and I have had a picture of Lexy and I as the background for the last month.  Zoey than started her big smile and than kissed Lexy not once but three times.  Zoey is one lucky little girl she has an angel as a big sister who she know and loves.

Lexy's best friend Quinn is now two but don't worry Quinn hasn't forgotten her best friend yet either.  Laura was talking to Quinn a couple Saturdays ago.  Quinn was saying "mom, Woey's (Zoey) sister" with her arms in the where is she position. 

What a wonderful blessing our family has had with Lexy as our daughter, niece, cousin, granddaughter she taught us unconditional love in the short time that she was with us but she is still showing us unconditional love.

We love you little Lexy De'anna,, Lexy Beth, L.L. bean and all the other little nicknames you had we love you so much.


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I won't give up

I have decided on a new favorite song of mine it is by Jason Mraz I Won't Give Up.  It is the wedding song for this season apparently.  Well I got to say coming up on my little Lexy's birthday.  I'm so glad that I had a husband who stayed by my side when we lost our little girl and didn't give up on us being a family.

Today I was singing to Zoey and having a blast she was smiling and cooing while I was singing to her.  I didn't know it but Brandon was standing in the door way watching us.  I'm so happy to have my little family of four.  I can feel Lexy around when our family is having fun, going through hard times.  I felt her in the room this afternoon as I was playing with Zoey I could hear her laughter.

I have been feeling like that I haven't been the best mommy to Zoey for a couple of weeks because I have been sad about Lexy.  But I got the reminder through this song by Jason Mraz that I can't give up on being a great mommy to Zoey even if I'm sad.  I felt as I was having fun a greater feeling of joy and love that Lexy would want for us.

I'm hurting over Lexy but I know that she is with our Father in Heaven and He is watching over her and everyone who misses her.  I know that my little angel is so busy.  I know she is an angel of love you could feel the love that she gave us while she was with us on earth.  I know that she is there for anyone that needs comfort or a great laugh.

If you haven't heard the song by Jason Mraz here it is:

"I Won't Give Up"

Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmm ...

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

I love my little Lexy and my Zoey bug so much and am so grateful to be a mother and to have been trusted with two wonderful little spirits to be a mother to.

"'Cause even the stars they burn Some even fall to the earth We've got a lot to learn God knows we're worth it"