Well this last Wednesday July 15 I went to the E.R. because my stomach started to hurt... I got a blood test done and than a ultrasound done not what i was expecting my first one to be like I was expecting to go in and listen to my baby's heartbeat not to see if there was a baby growing. It was a very hard night for me I went home emotionally drained I found out I was closer to 6 weeks along though that night. So I prayed for a miracle for the two days in between my next doctors appointment that I would still have a baby. On Friday July 17 just a week later after finding out we were expecting we got the call from the doctor telling us that we had a miscarriage.
I have been on a emotional roller coaster for these last two days. I burst into tears at the weirdest times. I was at church today and during the Sacrament rest hymn Each Life That Touches Ours For Good there is a line in the hymn which touched my heart this is what it is...
"When such a friend from us departs,
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bring us nearer, Lord, to thee."
We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory,
Bring us nearer, Lord, to thee."
I could not even get through singing this song because I started to cry. I just thought of how I need to use this experience as a way to get closer to our Father in Heaven and let Him help heal this broken heart I am feeling for loosing a baby. The five weeks of being a mom to a spirit was a tender moment and I will never forget it. "A sweet and hallowed memory" explains how I feel so much. Just a short time but I have a memory that I will never forget.
I never knew that just loosing a baby within the first of couple of weeks could be so hard. It is so weird how I have grown a bond with this baby. I just have been very grateful in knowing that I was married in the temple and that our little family has been sealed together forever. This is a hard trial that we got to go through but I know that this will only make us stronger.
4 comments:
Jessica,
I'm so sorry to hear this news, but encouraged by your good view of your blessings.
I know the Lord with bless you with another child when He is ready.
Meanwhile, let your heart heal and know I'm thinking of you. You are a darling woman!
you made me want to cry! i know that heavenly father only chooses the extra strong women in this world to have to go through that... and only the sweetest of kids to come back to him so soon. i know that you are going to be an awesome mom to her in the life to come, and a great mommy to your future kids that are still to come. i love you so much and i want you to know that i am here for you.
ps now go take care of your baby that you already have.. Baylee (sorry if i spelled it wrong)
oh Jess,
Just know you are never alone in this. I went through the same thing 2 months ago. It was the toughest thing i had ever been through. With the support of a loving family you can get through it. Crying is so normal. I still cry when i see someone with a new born baby, and i work at the hospital in the middle of the ob area so i cry a lot. Time heals all wounds, just know you will see that baby again someday. I know this.
love ya girl
Tasha
you are in our prayers. Hang in there. We look forward to seeing you at the reunion so we can give you a big hug. Love you guys.
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